Dave

So, I'm in Los Angeles right now. And I just wanted everyone to know that David Hasselhoff was on my flight from Dallas to LA.

Probably the highlight of my life.

Finding love in a strip mall.

One of my frequent lunch activities is to go to a local strip mall that includes a Target, Ross and Marshalls. Three of the best places ever, as far as I'm concerned.

This day was no different. I was at Ross, aka "Jenn's Discount Shoe Source," leaving slightly disappointed because I didn't find another pair of shoes that I just had to have. As I was leaving a man opened the door for me. We'll call him Carl from here on out because he plays an important part in the story. Carl wasn't much taller than me. African American, probably in his early 30s. He was wearing a white tshirt and blue sweatpants.

So, Carl opens the door for me. Nothing unusual in the South, but I always find it nice to acknowledge the fact that someone is actually being a gentleman.

"Thanks!" I say, walking out with Marshall's already on my mind.

"Oh, it was my pleasure. You're a very beautiful young lady," says Carl.

"Thanks...." I say as I continue walking in the opposite direction.

"Are you single?" yells Carl.

I had to think quick. I mean, of course I'm single, but do I I really want to tell this sketchy man at Ross that yes, I'm single and looking for love? I don't think so. I then realize this is one of the those situations where it's OK to lie. You know, like growing up when your parents tell you lying is bad and you get all sassy and say something like, "Well, what if a man breaks into the house and daddy goes to the door and the man asks if he has any children. Is daddy supposed to tell the man yes and where exactly to find us? HUH? How about that mom?" And then she says, "Well, there are certain situations where lying is necessary. If your family's life is in danger I think that it's OK. Now stop playing devil's advocate and listen to your mother."

It also might help to know that he was asking a girl that's never had a boyfriend if she was single. A girl that's not necessarily acclimated to men hitting on her. A girl that has never really been asked out on any sort of date...unless you count the time I roped a freshman into going to the Spring formal with me and he was nice enough to pay for dinner or that other time with the ice cream at Denny's at 1 am... So making myself say no to this particular answer wasn't necessarily natural.

As I was saying.

"Are you single?" yelled Carl. He really did have to yell at this point because I was walking quite briskly in the opposite direction.

"Nope, sorry!" I yelled in return, proud of my quick, savvy response.

Carl proceeded to is car and I was relieved that I had an imaginary boyfriend somewhere.

I continue on my way to Marshalls, already thinking about the discounted clothing awaiting me.

As I was walking I noticed that there seemed to be a car following behind me. The car was driving just at the pace of my walk and had ample opportunity to pass. I decided that it wouldn't be in my best interest to look over and see what the deal was. Certainly Carl isn't following me.

Wrong.

As I was entering Marshalls I took the chance to glance over my shoulder and Carl and his Expedition had in fact made their way to Marshalls. Maybe Carl is just into discount clothing too. Nothing wrong with that.

Carl proceeds to back his SUV into the white striped area at the front of the parking lot, not even in a parking space. He looked to be talking on his cell phone. Maybe he's a safe driver and likes to park when talking on his cell. Yeah, that's it, I'm sure.

I walk into Marshalls and so far Carl remained in his car.

About 10 minutes later I glance out of the store and see that the Expedition was still in the same place, minus Carl.

Not good.

I looked around and I didn't see Carl. I continued milling around the store, and just as I was rounding the homewares section I see none other than Carl's head poke around the other end of the isle.

I mean, really? Is this guy following me? Didn't I just tell him I wasn't single?

I decided I could do without my finds, so I put them back and walked towards the front of the store.

And so did Carl.

I turned around and went to another section of the store.

And so did Carl.

Really? Are you following me in a Marshalls in the middle of the afternoon in a crowded shopping center? Is this what your life has come to?

We continued this back-and-forth dance for approximately 15 minutes. By this time I was trying to form a plan of escape. I had resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to have one of the male store associates walk me to my car.

Then, I guess Carl was catching on to the fact that I was catching on to the fact that his life had come down to following unsingle girls in discount stores and in one of our little "I'm pretending not to see you following me around the store so I'm going to keep walking in circles and seem really interested in these women's plus-sized nightgowns" dances and he keeps walking to the back of the store, even when I turn toward the exit. I took my chance and darted out.

I zigzagged through the parking lot so he couldn't spot me easily. I made it to my car and left before poor old Carl even knew what hit him. I left feeling slightly victorious, but also mapping out my plan if I happened to look in my rearview mirror and see the burgundy Expedition behind me. Luckily, that didn't happen.

Ha! I'm not REALLY single! Fooled you!

I've always fancied those stories where boy meets girl in the produce section of the local Kroger whilst trying to find the ripest mangos, so maybe I missed a good chance at love. I can see it now:
"Well, kids, I met your daddy in a Ross. I first told him I wasn't single, mostly because he was kinda scary looking and I wasn't sure that he had the best intentions in mind, but he wouldn't take no for an answer! Your daddy followed me right into the next store and wouldn't let me leave until I went on a date with him! Now, this doesn't mean you're allowed to talk to strangers, this was just a special circumstance..."